A Fearsome Lady

Something I've Been Meaning To Talk About...

What Could I Possibly Be Talking About? Violence & How A Lady Handles Herself In A Violent Situation.

How Do I Define A Violent Situation?

A violent situation one might encounter can happen in many different ways.

1) A brawl at an event or establishment (and unfortunately we can't pull that move the queen from brave does... It's not safe and most likely won't actually work in any situation above play fighting)

2) Domestic abuse (hands down if a guy is abusing you leave him he isn't worth it)

3) A violent crime. (The scariest and least likely of the situations but still be Prepared)

How Is This Relevant To Lolita?

Weather you want to believe it or not Lolitas can be exposed to all types of violence too we may be ladies but we are still humans. However as Lolitas we do look innocent which may even bring extra violence our way, some may see us and view us as easy targets. So what am I insinuating? We should train and become finely tuned lethal weapons... (go go lolituh-uhs!) OK maybe not lethal weapons but indeed learn how to take care of ourselves without help in those situations.

Situation 1: The brawl/ spat gone wrong/ cat fight

What do you do? Abstain mostly... depending on how relevant you are to the situation. If someone is defending your honor or something very relevant to you try to somehow get them to hear that you do not want this try to get them to abstain, if they do not listen, leave the situation. This will be hard but it is necessary for your own well being. If you are being instigated to violence abstain, always abstain. However, if you were arguing and all of a sudden something violent is done to you, you have every right to defend yourself. I did say defend, meaning you only neutralize the threat to your person, meaning you will have a block, a strike, a take down, and an escape. Notice I said a for each one of those and also notice the order in which I said them. I would also like to define "Take Down" a take down is a throw, it will either get your attacker on the ground, or propelled against a wall it is not a hit, it is a device used to get your attacker further away from you and less likely to chase you.

Situation 2: Domestic Abuse

As soon as your partner abuses you physically, mentally, or emotionally you need to make the decision to get out of that relationship, and do not give them a second chance, especially when it comes to physical abuse. Violence is never OK. You get out you tell the cops, and I know it's hard I have never gone to the cops yet myself even. it's scary I know it. Fortunately that is no longer something I have to worry about right now but you really should get there as soon as possible after the incident. Why? By filing this report with the police you have a previous incident, and you can get a restraining order, if he/she decides that he/she will not let you go. I know it sucks waiting and worrying are they going to try something again, but at least this way you can cut the violation down to two singular incidents. I also suggest if you are worried about this happening after the first incident get into the first self defense class you can find. I took Krav Maga and now I could probably kick my mans butt and he's literally twice my weight and over a foot taller than me, of course I never want to or feel the need to... except when he forgets to do dishes haha! I jest.

Situation 3: Violent Crime

It's actually really hard to defend yourself from a violent crime without having taken a self defense class, besides not walking alone at night. However their are signs you can read from some kinds of attackers (mostly rapists). These are called survival signs. I highly suggest the purchase of the book entitled "The Gift Of Fear" it's like nine bucks, and a great tool, especially the chapter entitled "Survival Signs". However, I will give you the names of them since I am so kind. 

Charm & Niceness (sorry you just cannot believe that a stranger is just nice, I'm sure some are, but defensively you have to believe they are doing it with the express purpose to control you.)

Too Many Details (only two possibilities for someone blabbering out facts about what they are doing, one they are lying, or two they have a disorder such as aspergers that effects their filter, and understanding of how to be social. Always bet on the first one.)

The Unsolicited Promise (examples I'll make sure your safe, I'll leave you be, I'm gonna split after you get to your door. They might be being truthful... but much more likely it's a lie to gain your trust.)

Discounting The Word No (when you drop subtle hints you want them gone or when you say no thanks and they don't leave you alone. You don't have to be forceful about it an actually nice guy will leave you alone if you say no thanks or act like you aren't interested.)

Loansharking (anytime a stranger offers help it can easily become the, well I carried your groceries let me in your house you owe me, type of situation.)

Forced Teaming (any incident in which a stranger tries to make you part of a unit or team with them usually by using the word "we" we gotta stick together in this neighborhood.)

Type Casting (you know when someone who doesn't know you insults you by overgeneralizing you like one might do with the members of a teen clique. "Oh you're probably too much of a snot to hang with me" this kind of insult is something that we naturally want to prove wrong. But you have to tell yourself "hey I don't know this jerk, who cares what he thinks anyway, he should just let me go about my business, I have no time for this in my life.")

Final Message

While not everyone is out to get you you should always stay on the skeptical safe side, if someone is actually nice and you have a few encounters with friendly waves they might eventually become your friend, but really don't count on people being nice, learn to defend yourself using mental techniques and physical techniques. You may be a very lady like little girl, but I implore you learn how to go from teddy bear to momma grizzly for your own protection. I am the sweetest most elegant little princess until I feel threatened, and then I go rabid fox on em hatchee hatchee hatchee ho! No one says it's wrong for me to be this way many admire this 5'1" 110 lb red head for being able to sit pretty, go crazy kung fu master, and then go right back to her tea party. ^_^  BE A LADY YES, BUT BE A FEARSOME LADY!

P.S. I would also like to point out how hilarious it would be to see a Sweet Lolita defense class, you know with the wigs and everything, super over the top nonsense!